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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28327581">Ambivalence</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zaniida/pseuds/Zaniida'>Zaniida</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Person of Interest (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Gen, John Lives, Mixed feelings, Reflection, not sure how to tag right now</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 17:48:04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>987</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28327581</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zaniida/pseuds/Zaniida</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Harold gives John an unexpected gift.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Harold Finch &amp; John Reese</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>23</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Ambivalence</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/oddgit/gifts">oddgit</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Starting off the <strong>Twelve Days of Christmas</strong> this year: A little sweetness between two much-beloved characters.</p><p>(Also why is AO3 saying it's the 26th when it's just turned 5 p.m. Pacific Time?  I mean seriously.)</p><p><strong>oddgit</strong>, I had it somewhere in my notes that you'd like a Rinchy anniversary piece.  I went with "friendship but you could read it as Rinch if you like."  Hope your holiday celebrations are filled with good food and good friends as you make memories you'll look back on fondly over the years ~\^_^/~</p><p>P.S. I'm typing all this on my phone, with a little keyboard.  I'm not 100% happy with how the ending turned out, so I might come back and tidy the fic up a bit, but for now it's okay and anyway my phone's almost out of power.  Ah well.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“New safe house, Finch?” John asked, turning the small velvet box around in his hands to look at it from every angle.  When Harold simply blinked at him, John smiled fondly.  “Last time you handed me a gift this small, it was the key to my loft.”</p><p>“Oh,” Harold said, staring off to the side as if struck by the memory.  “No—I, ah, I rather imagine you could live where you please, now.  Assuming it was up to code,” he added, glancing with a pained smile at the slight bulge of John’s knee brace under his pajama pants.</p><p>John leaned back in his recliner, tapping lightly on the box but not yet opening it.  “It’s not my birthday,” he mused.  “Not the holiday season.  Bit too much ceremony for something you bought on a whim.”</p><p>Eyebrows shooting up, Harold shook his head in the limited amount he could manage without additional pain.  “No, it’s…”  He gestured about helplessly, the words not quite there.  Then he sucked in a breath.  “I-I’ve been hoping to… that is, for a while it seemed impossible that this day would ever come, and… once I realized that we had, against all odds, made it this far… together… well, it seemed a bit of ceremony was in order.”  The corner of his mouth quirked up.  “I realize that a six-month anniversary is more in the range of something a teenager might celebrate, but, in this case, I hope you’ll appreciate the sentiment.”</p><p>Looking down at the box again, John found himself at a loss.  With a sudden sense of the gravity of the moment, he ran one thumb over the deep blue velvet.</p><p>Then, holding the box more carefully, he slowly opened the lid.</p><p>A pair of tiny suits—or, upon closer inspection, metal shields designed to <em>look like</em> suits.  A subtle, elegant pair of cufflinks.</p><p>Rolling one of them between thumb and forefinger, he glanced quizzically at Harold.  “Six months since… what, exactly?”</p><p>Harold raised his chin.  “It has been six months, to the day, since the last time someone shot at you.”  When John raised an eyebrow, he amended, “As far as I’m aware,” and John couldn’t help the smile that spread across his face at Harold’s sudden flusterment.  “And while I would hardly say that I’m grateful for your injuries, I do count it as somewhat of a blessing that they have pushed you out of, well, the more <em>active</em> duties.”</p><p>John huffed.  “You mean the reason you <em>hired</em> me, Finch?”</p><p>Harold’s face twisted in sudden dismay, and he fumbled for his armchair and sank down into it as if his own knees were as bad as John’s.  A long moment passed before he had composed himself enough to look back.</p><p>“For five years, we saved lives,” he began.  “And we were only able to do so because of your training, and your willingness to put yourself in grave danger for others.  In that sense, even knowing the risks, I cannot regret sending you out into the field, time and again.  But it was… it weighed on me.  Wondering, so often, whether this would be the day that you didn’t make it home.</p><p>“And then… the worst came to pass, and you nearly died, but I found someone to piece you back together and we kept going.  And then it happened again, and still we kept going.  Until finally…”</p><p>“…a few of the pieces got damaged too much to be repaired.”</p><p>“Yes.  That.  And I do have to admit that if we had never found Shaw, or if the Machine had not founded her own team to follow in our footsteps, I can’t say that retirement would have been in the cards for either of us.  After all, I didn’t let my injuries keep me from doing whatever was necessary to see the missions succeed.  But now that we’ve passed the torch to a new generation, as it were—”</p><p>“It feels good to take a break?”</p><p>“More than that, John.  You can’t imagine how great a relief I feel, looking at you and knowing for certain that the most significant threats to your life right now are… normal.  The chance of a car accident on the way home from the store, or a blood clot from sitting too long with that brace on.  No more government hitmen, no computer algorithms marking you for death, no more gang shootouts or spurned ex-lovers trying to get between you and old age.”</p><p>“So sure that I’m not moonlighting as a vigilante?”</p><p>“John…”</p><p>“No, no, I get it,” John said, and glanced off out the window, blinking a little too rapidly.  He rubbed a hand over his mouth, and tried for a smile, but didn’t quite make it.  “I guess my feelings are as mixed as yours,” he said finally.  “I want to be out there, helping the team, but… I also want to be in here, near you, knowing that you’re safe.  Guess I can’t have it both ways, so… this is good.  It’s… it’s good.”</p><p>“John,” Harold said again, helplessly.</p><p>“You saved me, you know,” John added.  “You pieced together a little more than just my broken body.  If you hadn’t stepped in when you did—”</p><p>“I know.”</p><p>“So this is us,” John said, still not quite looking at him.  “Strip away the mission and the drama and the question of whether we’ll even live to see tomorrow, and you get… two aging men, in a pair of suits.”</p><p>“Are we counting your pajamas simply because they look like a suit?” Harold asked archly, but there was a twinkle to his eye.</p><p>“You should get some of these,” John replied.  “They’re comfy.  And I'm sure you could find someone who could make them look as fancy as your regular suits.”</p><p>“Maybe I will,” Harold said after a moment.  “After everything we’ve been through… I suppose I deserve a little extra comfort.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I hope to post things daily (or nearly so) between now and Twelfth Night, though we all know how skilled I am at predicting my level of productivity. Some will be quick one-shots, some will be updates of existing fics; some might be other types of media. Guess we'll just have to see how this year's celebration turns out ~|^_^|~</p><p>I hope to have an announcement around the first of the year, so keep an ear out for that, too ^_^</p></blockquote></div></div>
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